Understanding loneliness with Dr Lalitaa Suglani

by Dr. Lalitaa Suglani

In the run up to Loneliness Awareness Week, we'll be publishing a series of blogs about loneliness and connection by guest writers. In this blog, world leading psychologist, leadership coach, international speaker and author Dr Lalitaa Suglani explores how to identify loneliness and how to take steps towards alleviating these feelings.

Loneliness is often misunderstood. It’s not just about being alone, it’s about feeling emotionally disconnected, heartbroken, deep sadness, feeling unseen, or unsupported, even when surrounded by others. With Loneliness Awareness Week upon us, it’s important to recognise the signs, understand how loneliness differs from anxiety, and take proactive steps toward connection and support.

Two women standing on a train platform, smiling and looking at the map they are holding.

How to Recognise Loneliness in Yourself and Others

Loneliness can show up in different ways for different people. It’s not always obvious, and sometimes those experiencing it may not even realise that loneliness is at the core of their feelings. Some key signs to look out for include:

A deep sense of sadness or heartbreak that lingers – Loneliness isn’t just a passing feeling; it can feel like an ache that sits heavy in the chest, a sense of emotional emptiness that doesn’t go away. Even in the presence of others, there may be a strong feeling of being disconnected or misunderstood.
A lack of motivation to engage in social activities – Someone who is lonely might withdraw from invitations, cancel plans last minute, or find it exhausting to reach out to others. This isn’t always because they don’t want to connect, but rather because they may feel as though they don’t truly belong or that their presence doesn’t matter.
Feeling emotionally distant in relationships – Even in friendships, romantic relationships, or family dynamics, loneliness can be present. A person may struggle to open up, feel unheard, or sense that no one truly understands them, leading to further emotional isolation.
A sense of purposelessness or numbness – Loneliness can make even the things that once brought joy feel empty. Someone may lose interest in hobbies, struggle to find meaning in their daily life, or feel as though they’re just going through the motions without true connection or fulfilment.
Increased fatigue or trouble sleeping – Emotional isolation can take a toll on physical well-being. Someone experiencing loneliness may feel physically drained, struggle to fall asleep, or wake up feeling unrested, often because their mind is preoccupied with feelings of sadness or longing for connection.
Seeking distractions as a coping mechanism – To avoid sitting with feelings of loneliness, many people turn to distractions like excessive social media scrolling, binge-watching TV, or overworking themselves. While these behaviours may offer temporary relief, they often deepen feelings of disconnection in the long run.

How Loneliness Differs from Anxiety

While loneliness and anxiety can overlap, they stem from different experiences. Anxiety is often driven by worry, fear, or uncertainty about the future, whereas loneliness is rooted in a lack of meaningful emotional connection. Someone with anxiety may avoid social situations out of fear of judgment, while someone experiencing loneliness may crave connection but feel unable to bridge the gap.

A woman smiling while looking out of a bus window. She wears yellow headphones and holds a mobile phone.

First Steps to Addressing Loneliness

If you or someone you know is struggling with loneliness, there are ways to take small but meaningful steps toward connection:

Talk About It – Expressing feelings of loneliness to a trusted friend, family member, or professional can help break the cycle of isolation. Opening up can be difficult, but it creates space for understanding and support.
Seek Out Connection Opportunities – Actively looking for opportunities to engage with others can make a difference. This could be through joining a local group, attending a class, or engaging in activities that align with personal interests.
Reduce Passive Social Media Use – Mindless scrolling can amplify feelings of isolation, especially when comparing life to curated online versions of others. Instead, prioritising real interactions, whether in person or through meaningful conversations can help create genuine connection.
Practice Self-Compassion – It’s easy to internalise loneliness as a personal failing, but it’s a universal human experience. Being kind to oneself, acknowledging feelings without self-judgment, and recognising that loneliness is temporary can be powerful in shifting perspective.
Reach Out for Support – If loneliness feels overwhelming, organisations like Marmalade Trust and other community initiatives offer resources for those struggling with chronic loneliness. Seeking professional guidance can also provide valuable tools for building meaningful connections.

A group of people walking in the verdant countryside. It is a sunny day and the group are surrounded by long grass and pink flowers.

Loneliness Is a Signal, Not a Life Sentence

Loneliness is often a reflection of deeper emotional needs not being met, but it can also stem from how we see ourselves and whether we allow ourselves to be truly seen. Sometimes, the fear of vulnerability keeps us from forming deeper connections, even when we crave them. Recognising this can be a powerful first step in shifting from isolation to connection, creating space for relationships that feel genuine, fulfilling, and supportive.

About Dr. Lalitaa Suglani

Dr. Lalitaa Suglani is a world leading Psychologist, leadership coach, international speaker and Author of the book "High Functioning Anxiety" published by Hay House.

Lalitaa has over 17 years of experience working across various clinical areas within the public and private health sector. Her mission is to empower high functioning individuals with anxiety to step into their inner strength and resilience guiding them towards emotional and psychological well-being.

Lalitaa believes that the key to achieving real lasting success and happiness in all areas of our lives lies within our own mind. She has seen how through personal growth and self-awareness, we learn to harness our thought patterns, gain control of the voice in our heads, cultivate a positive mindset and create the life and career of our dreams.

Portrait of Dr Lalitaa Suglani. She wears a black top, a brown and a silver bracelet, and holds her hands together in her lap.

Drawing from her own journey as a second-generation Indian immigrant, growing up in a household navigating the complexities that come from existing between two cultures, gives Lalitaa an added layer to her insight around identity and cultural and familial expectation.

With a deep commitment to her purpose, Lalitaa continues to inspire and uplift others on their path to self-discovery and healing. Through her writing, speaking engagements, and therapeutic practice, she creates a safe and nurturing space for individuals to explore their inner worlds and create a safety which remains strong, irrespective of external circumstances and challenges.

Lalitaa's mission is to help transform lives by understanding and accepting emotions, attachments and relationships we hold to awaken people to their inner power!

Dr Lalitaa on social media:

Website: www.DrLalitaa.com

Instagram: @dr.lalitaa

TikTok: @dr.lalitaa.psychologist

LinkedIn: Dr. Lalitaa Suglani

X, formerly Twitter: drlalitaas

YouTube: Dr. Lalitaa Suglani